You've just graduated from nursing school and are new to the world of work. As a new nurse in a new job, one question that should cross your mind early is how to develop an effective relationship with the nurse manager.

A good nurse manager is someone who can effectively oversee a unit of nurses, communicating with and understanding them. Involving employees in decisions, showing appreciation for hard work and having people enjoy working for them are positive manager strategies.

On the other hand, managers who demonstrate lack of communication and inflexible thinking can raise flags with their employees. Employees may go home from work, sit down to dinner and complain bitterly about what is wrong with their nurse manager.

Strategies for Success
There are several strategies you can use to build a better relationship with the boss.

1. Schedule time to talk to your nurse supervisor one on one. In your first job, there is a time for keeping quiet and absorbing all the information you can. That said, no one is expecting you to have all the answers, so be sure you are asking questions when you do not understand something. Do not sit in silence.

Nurse managers are people doing their job, just like you. Get a sense of the boss's personality and find out when is the best time to approach your manager to talk. Nurses take on much work and responsibility. It is important to keep the nurse manager well informed and comfortable.

Being assertive means communicating your needs, feelings, beliefs and opinions to others in a direct and honest manner without hurting anyone's feelings. Tell the nurse manager what you need in terms of direction, feedback and support. Be polite and focus on your needs.

If there is a new project in your department, ask to be part of the team and show your skills. Beware not to volunteer for every project that interests you; you may spread yourself too thin and put your overall job performance at risk.

2. If you disagree with a new procedure, protocol or rule, go to the nurse manager with solutions instead of having a bad attitude. Some people deal with difficult situations and bosses in passive ways: silence, meek compliance, increased absenteeism and quitting. You have a choice: you can either decide to do nothing more than sit around and complain, or you can make your own suggestions for change.

Stop steaming over your perception of unfairness about your current work situation. Even if you're right, you'll do yourself more good explaining how your ideas will benefit others and the organization. Your manager will be more interested if you research your ideas and present them, highlighting the benefits and drawbacks.

3. Bring problems to your boss in person and in private. Do not challenge your manager openly, in front of co-workers or other management. It is difficult to disagree with the nurse manager without seeming out of line. Stay calm. Before you confront the boss and release built-up emotional pressure, take a step back and ask yourself what the problem really is.

Decide which battles are worth fighting before you take action. Make your decisions, then try to get the resources and support you need to move ahead. Do not whine.

Be realistic. You may have to reprogram your thinking. Open the lines of communication and assert yourself in a reasonable and calm manner. Change your communication style by being assertive.

Rudeness and shouting are not helpful. When you are angry, make sure you do not become the enemy. Tone down the volume of the attack by using assertive language such as "I feel" and "I think" rather than aggressive language such as "you always" or "you never." Make your boss feel validated - if he or she says something you agree with, say so.

Many nurses learn wisdom from difficult experiences. Especially in nursing, work teaches us lessons. There is always room for personal growth.

4. Learn to pick your battles. Not every battle is worth fighting, and fighting may cost you more in the end than the battle was worth. You cannot change the boss. People try, but it never works. Complaining about the boss won't make the boss a better boss. It will make you a bitter employee. You cannot declare yourself empowered and become boss-free.

Hierarchy is here to stay and the supervisor is still the supervisor, and for good reason. To bridge the gap between different philosophies on work practices, communicate. Be reasonable, remembering the manager does not have to feel the same way you do. Compromise and aim to solve the disagreement rather than win an argument.

Ask yourself questions such as: Does the supervisor treat you differently from everyone else? Are you giving the manager something to dislike about your work ethic, such as poor work performance or increased absenteeism? Do you have conflicts with other people? Maybe, just maybe, you are the one with the difficult personality, not the supervisor.

Perform your job as a professional nurse and build a reputation as someone who gets things done without complaint or problems. This type of reputation will give you credibility with your superiors. It allows you to disagree sometimes without coming off as a troublemaker.

5. Be a team player. Let nurse managers know how you appreciate the things they do and how difficult many of their decisions are. Nurses often have to scramble to get things done. Sometimes we get tired, weary, frustrated, unhappy and unmotivated.

Do not leave the job in a funk. Change your communication style. Bring positive information to your boss about co-workers and jobs well done, and not always complaints and difficulties. Compliment them on any of their suggestions you think are workable.

Approach the nursing supervisor in a conciliatory way. Ask for opinions, thoughts and judgments on a given issue. Really listen to the answers. Ask how you can help reach a facility's goals. Come away with appreciation, knowledge and stronger skills.

Talking to the nurse manager can be an intimidating event. A hard truth about work life is there is no magician who can build you a better boss. A difficult relationship with the boss is a common cause of work-related stress. Why make it harder on yourself? One of the ways to help ensure you get off on the right foot is to establish a good relationship with your boss.

Build A Better You
Let your job be more rewarding and fulfilling. Take responsibility for your own development. If you like the facility, the employer and the work (and if nothing changes despite your best efforts), ask for a transfer to another department.

Before you do that, however, try to build a better "you." You can sharpen your skills, advance your career and develop your character. Doit by learning from weaknesses. Ask the right questions and take the situation in hand.

Elizabeth Santulli is a regular contributor to ADVANCE.